London Nights at the River Thames
by freiheitfuehlen
Summary: LNATRT is a series of short stories/drabbles. Addison and Derek are the main characters and the individual short stories are based or will revolve around their relationship. Time line is varying from Pre-to Post-Seattle and everything in between. ADDEK
1. The Beating of the Weeping Heart

**Disclaimer**: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.  
**Author's Note**: I have come to the conclusion that I will most likely not update regurlay enough to write a real series in the near future or finish one. Even though I have a perfectly fine chapter that is 3/4 finished as a sequel to **Time Heals Every Wonder **and the second part of **Christmas Lights **sitting somewhere on a USB stick.  
**Summary**: _London Nights at The River Thames_ is a series of prompts that I have stolen from**1sentence**. The prompts will be no more than 500something words long and therefore I am optimistic I can update rather regurlarly in the next couple of months. Hope you'll be enjoying. I certainly did writing this little piece, even though it turned out surprisingly dark and agnsty. JUst to prewarn you, you might wanna get some chocolate and a cup of tea. Prompt is: #08 **Cold**.

**The Beating of the Weeping Heart**

The truth lies in the moment of utter fear that is shortly overcome by a rush of pure adrenaline through the veins of a person - a savior. Furthermore this exact truth shines ironically bright through the minutes following the arrival of tragedy; when a young doctor presses their warm hands on the pink flesh of the Musculus Sartorius whose skin has been torn apart opening up the beige cracked structure of the femur, in desperate need to stop the aortic bleed. A mission that is bound to fail.

The truth is a steaming pot of hot soup. The ingredients are nothing short of an obsession with science and an incredibly idealistic idea. It's a fight against the dark lord that has yet to be won.

This truth is revealed in the mere seconds before death when one of those faithful souls, martyrs, presses their hands tightly to the wound that is leaking blood with every pulsating stroke of the heart that one can feel getting fewer and less forceful moment by moment.

Red. All she can see and feel and smell is blood on her hands, on her arms, on her legs. Everywhere. The smell of iron runs up the young doctor's nose and clouds up her central nervous system.

Her mind is racing but her body is working on auto-pilot. Observe. Check. Search body for visible injuries. Check. Tend to detected visible injuries. Check. Search body for signs of internal injuries. Check. Tend to aid of interior injuries. Do not move if there are possibilities for serious internal injuries. Check. Wait for ambulance. Check.

She can hear the sound of the ambulance from a few blocks away and its horn driving past cars of on-lookers. Though a shudder is creeping up her spine, a suspicion is slowly uncovering in the depths of her mind as if to strangulate her determination.

A soft voice is repeatedly calling out. The sound is breathy and weak. Someone is calling for someone else. Someone is calling for `Addie´. Derek is calling out for `Addie´. He is calling out for her. His eyes cloudy, his pupils dilated and his lips so dry he can barely get the thought to sound out anymore.

"Athie…don't leave me."

His eyes close for a short moment. A moment of pure horror for Addison.

"Stay with me, Derek." She pled, her voice shaking and her throat tight from the tears that are running down her cheeks in this rainy Seattle November and mixing with the salt on the concrete.

"Athie, I l…"

"I will. I will. I'll stay with you…Forever, Derek. Forever. Don't you dare to give up. Stay with me. Please."

It's too late. The last waves of blood are slowly pulsating out of the body and running down the thigh muscle adding to the dark red puddle next to the body. The heart has stopped and the life is gone.

On this gray, rainy November day in Seattle another martyr has died a heroic death. Or two.

Dr. Addison Forbes Montgomery. A martyr because whenever someone slips away from her grasp, under her fingers with her standing by unable to save, she herself dies piece by piece. Dr. Addison Montgomery, a victim of her own love and faith.


	2. Frae Morning Sun Till Dine

**Frae Morning Sun Till Dine**

Addison looked out of the window of Derek's office and down on the street where hundreds of joyous people walked along the snowy path walks, with drinks in hand she imagined and holding steadily onto the one loved person walking next to them.

The tune of an old and well known melody filled the room and Addison with sadness and jealousy. The speaker on the radio had just announced the last three minutes of 2005.

Addison tilted her head slightly to the left; she closed her eyes and drummed her fingers unconsciously on the front of her thighs. She was no longer standing in the small and cramped office of her missing husband, but instead she found herself at the spacey, but familiar and warm apartment of one of her oldest and closest friends. Slowly she would be swaying her legs to the melody of 'Auld Lang Syne' with a bubbly drink in one hand and the small and delicate fingers of her best friend in the other hand. Together they would be humming the melody, lost in thought and hopeful wishes for what the New Year might bring for them.

"…_And there's a haund, my trusty fiere_

_And gie's a haund o' thine_

_And we'll tak' ae richt guid wullie- waught_

_For auld lang syne._"

Once the last seconds of the song spread amongst the impatiently waiting party guests, glasses would be carefully put down on tables and cupboards. People would search for their loved ones and take their hands in a tight and reassuring grip. The end of another year and the start of a countdown could be heard through the radio but was soon overpowered by the sound of their friends` voices in the room speaking up together, welcoming a New Year's worth of chances and possibilities.

"7...6…5…"

Savvy's head would turn in a frantic search for her husband. Midnight was nearing and she wanted him to be the one, the first one to start the New Year with. Once she spotted him on the other side of the room fixing her with an intense and meaningful gaze, she would let go of Addison's hand and hurriedly walk over to where Weiss stood leaning against the wall with a beer in hand and talking to an old friend of his.

"…2…1…"

Addison would hang her head and bring her arms up to and around her upper body and hug herself tightly. Happy New Year, Addie, she would whisper to herself. But then she would feel the touch of a hand, first on her lower back and later around her shoulders to bring her closer to the person standing behind her.

"Happy New Year, Addie," she heard Derek whisper right before he kissed her red lips in a soft, sweet and chaste kiss. A kiss full of reassurance and furthermore it was a kiss full of promise.

"Addie," a voice was calling out to her, but Addison refused to let go of this fantasy of hers. It was too soon to be brought back to the reality of her life, the loneliness of another holiday spend alone and forgotten.

"Addie…Addison," Derek called out to her, trying to get her attention. He took a couple of steps towards her and put a hand on her right shoulder blade, squeezing her shoulder softly.

Addison sighed and turned her head slightly to the right, putting her hand on top of his and squeezing it.

"I'm lonely, Derek," she breathed softly, almost inaudibly, as if she had been too scared to admit it to him and to herself.

She wasn't even sure he had heard her until she heard him sigh and felt him put his arms around her in a tight hug. Derek placed a soft kiss on the side of her neck and said quietly,

"I know. I'm sorry, Adds."

He kissed up her neck until he reached her ear before he spoke again. Louder this time as if he meant his voice to reassure all of his wife's insecurities that he wasn't even sure he knew how to deal with.

"Happy New Year, Addie. Let's go home and celebrate the beginning of a New Year, shall we?"

Derek put the side of his head against hers and intertwined his fingers with hers. He heard her breath in and out rhythmically. He knew she had forgiven him when she turned around in his embrace and placed her forehead against his before kissing him lightly on the lips.

Together they walked out of the room, switched off the light and closed the door. What they left behind in Derek's office that night was nothing less than the chance of growing old together.


	3. Two Thousand Miles

**Two Thousand Miles**

The late summer wind blew softly through the yellow curtains of the partially open bedroom window and tousled the silky red curls of one tall and slender woman who was lying on her side facing the sleeping body next to her. Addison watched Derek breathe in and out steadily when she moved her hand to her husband's dark hair and let her fingers curl in his soft curly mess of black.

Even in the most chaotic and stressful times of her life, when her career was on the forefront of Addison's priorities, not once did a month pass, a holiday go by which failed to make her fantasize about the future with her husband and the potential children they would bring into this world.

When she would let her mind wander to this uncertain chapter of her life, she would always dream about a little girl with her big green eyes, his smile and mostly his dark unruly, thick curls of perfect hair. She wondered about her daughter's persona as much as possible names. Would she be stealing her mother's expensive shoes to dress up in robes which were three times her size and stumble around the house in black peep toes that were way too big for her baby feet? Or would she grow up to be a little tomboy playing baseball in the backyard with her little brother and her best friend Tommy from two houses down the road. Addison had always liked the name Carson. It suited both genders and for some weird reason it had simply always appealed to her. Though, Addison knew that it was one of Derek's greatest wishes to name his first born after the father he had lost to early in life and who he wished would still be around to watch his son become a man and more importantly the father he had always loved and wanted to be. Josephine it would be then and Addison knew she would love her no matter what her persona or name would be. She would love her simply because she was a part of both her and Derek and the love they shared.

Addison's lips escaped a low sigh. She had not given up on the idea of starting a family with Derek and she doubted she ever would or could, but slowly she realized that time was running out on her and at this moment in time when everyday was just one little fight in a war that was a long way from over, she did not have the heart nor the courage to bring a baby into the marriage that once was.

Addison let her hand wander from the top of his head, over his dark left eyebrow and along his temple to his ear and the faint mark of a hole that once was home to a shiny silver earring. Addison had only heard about the piece of jewelry from Mark who had endlessly teased Derek back in med school and seen photos of a young rebellious long-haired Derek wearing an old worn tee with London Calling on its front. Derek had tried his best to hide those photos from her when they started dating and Addison started asking questions about the obvious little scar on his left earlobe. Nancy had not only shown them to Addison, no furthermore she had publicized them on little postcards on the night of Derek and Addison's recital dinner.

Addison could not stop the grin from forming on her lips at this exact memory. The soft tips of her fingers continued their path over the tender skin of his cheek and the hard structure of his cheekbone to the red flesh of his lips. She pulled her fingers back lightly and kissed the tips before she placed them softly on his lips again.

Slowly she let her fingers trail down his face, over his chin and Adam's apple. When she reached the tense muscles of his neck and shoulder, she squeezed them lightly, careful not to wake him from his peaceful slumber. He moaned quietly at the pleasure of feeling her fingers on his painful muscular and ligaments. She let her fingers wander over the musculus trapezius and along his collarbone to the ever present scar two inches from his shoulder joint and one inch over the visible bone of his clavicle.

She remembered the day he broke his collarbone vividly and the days following the accident. Addison and Derek went for a skiing trip to Whistler six years ago. They had sat in the emergency area for close to two hours before the only doctor on call that night found the time to tend to Derek who had been in serious pain even though he had taken as pain ibuprofen as Addison had been given from everyone that they had crossed on the way to the hospital. She had sat beside him all of those endless two hours and caressed his back softly while she kissed the side of his neck and the top of his shoulder tenderly. She held his good hand and let him squeeze it when the doctor and the nurses standing by put his injured arm in a sling. She remembered his watery eyes and his soft pleads for her to stay close, but most of all she remembered the following days when neither of them left the room or the bed and they made love like they had never before in their lives.

She placed a soft kiss on his scar and moved to hover over his lips.

"I love you." Addison whispered into the darkness of the night before she closed the distance and kissed Derek chastely.

Derek pursed his lips unconsciously as if he was trying to catch her lips with his own and therefore prolong the intimate contact. When Addison moved back slowly and heard him exhale followed by a breathy whisper, she knew why she could not leave the man lying on his side facing fast asleep with his left arm slung over the side of her hip.

Addison knew she could not leave a man who still told her he loved her every night.


	4. Bis zum Mond und zurück

Darkness had overtaken the constant gray Seattle skies and with it the mood of one Derek Christopher Shepherd who wandered around the high grass with a candle in his right and a long wooden stick in his left hand. He walked slowly, though; he rather appeared to be limping with slumped shoulders and his head hanging low. He scrunched his eyes and furrowed his eye brows in concentration and searched the deep green of long leaves with the stick in his hands. Derek was on a mission. A mission he was unfortunately aware might not be blessed with success.

As he strode along the narrow pathways and deep green grass in circles and quadrangles, he could not help but notice the slight but distinctive smell of spring in the cold winter air. He sighed deeply once as he looked up in the sky and was mesmerized by the beauty of the thousands of sparkling stars in the deep black of the night sky.

She would have loved it. He knew. That is why he had bought this place, even if he never admitted it to himself or anyone out loud. In his heart he had always known and never dreamt it would ever end up in such a mess of catastrophic proportions.

"_No," Patricia said sternly as she shook her head and crossed her arms in front of her chest. She was not going to give in and let her only son propose to the woman he claimed to love so much. She would not let him make 'a great mistake' as she had proclaimed many times before. Did a mother's advice count for nothing anymore? When did he grow up to be this self-reliant and stubborn young man that refused to see the truth within the desire? She could not believe her eyes and ears when she heard him speak quietly but determined with a hint of disappointment in his tone of voice._

"_I am going to ask Addison to be my wife," Derek paused shortly, taking a step towards his mother. His eye brows furrowed and he slowly raised his right hand in a threat. "And I am going to marry and spend the rest of my life loving her no matter if you approve or not."_

_With those words spoken he brought his arm down to rest on his hip and turned around to walk out of the kitchen and the front door to start a life, his life with Addison Forbes Montgomery._

_Before he could reach the threshold, he halted in his tracks, turned his head slightly to the left and spoke softly over his shoulder._

"_You don't know her. You never tried to get to know her. She is the most beautiful, kind, understanding and loving person I have ever met. She supports me through everything, even if she fears that she might sacrifice too much. She is the woman I want to have my children from and get old together, sit out on the back porch, drink a glass of French cabernet sauvignon and watch our grand children play catch with the dog we have gotten years ago and who is still keeping us on our toes day in day out. I wish you could understand and support me. I wish you would trust me and my judgment." He paused shortly and took a deep breath. "It may not have been the most expensive and luxurious ring ever made and her parents might not approve, but she loved it, simply because I would have given it to her." _

_With those words said and a last courteous nod goodbye he walked out of the front door with faith and strength. _

The dim light of the candle flickering in the wind and enlightening only parts of the dark, wet grass, Derek knelt down on the grass and let his left hand roam over the part where he had only moments ago seen something silver reflect in the soft light of the beige candle.

When his hand came in contact with the cold solid silver band, he enclosed it in his hand and brought it up to his eyes to look at it. He sighed deeply in relief when he recognized the ring as his mother's engagement ring.

He stood up, brushed the grass from his damp pants and walked back to the trailer with the candle in one and the ring tucked safely in the other hand. The wooden stick had been carelessly tossed aside.

His mind wandered back to the words his Dad had promised his mother and that were securely engraved in the silver band of engagement Jacob Shepherd had given Patricia Sullivan over 45 years ago.

Derek had not just hit the ring into the woods because he was mad and disappointed, mostly drunk. No he had hit it into the green grass many feet away because he had once made a promise to his mother and one young and beautiful woman. He had promised to spend the rest of his life loving Addison Forbes Montgomery and not once, not one day until this very moment had he broken this promise.

Derek looked down at the ring in his hand. He folded his fingers around the silver band and kissed his knuckles.

His father's words replayed in his mind like a broken record.

_I am no longer lost in this life. I have found you and as long as I shall live, I make one promise to you. I will love you forever because I am a man of only one wife._


	5. Chasing Dragons

#45 Eclipse:

The bar Derek found himself in that night was dimly lit, the bar stools looked worn and the counter top bore scratches and holes from all of those one hundred and fifty years it had been open to the public. Claire, the fat lady behind the bar counter looked over, studying the man who had been sitting at her bar counter for close to an hour and who was still sipping his first drink. Scotch on ice. By now, she guessed, it was rather ice on Scotch and an awfully watery beverage. Every once in a while the dark haired man would bring the glass to his lips and let the tiniest bit of liqueur touch his tongue before he would bring down the Boston glass back to its destined place in front of him while tracing its outlines. Derek was lost in his own thoughts. The wrinkles on his forehead and the occasional sighs of disbelief were hinting at such confusion of the mind. Derek's eyes that usually sparkled and swept away with them the innocent and the believers by the sheer force of their gaze, those eyes were staring blankly ahead. A distinct sadness hovered in the dullness of the situation.

Claire filled two more glasses with Scotch and placed one of those in front of the dark haired stranger and kept one for herself. She lifted her glass and spoke softly, "I dant kno why yare looking like shit, mate. Ya just look like ya nied more of the drink to forget ay."

Derek raised his eyes to look at the mid sixty-something-years old gray-haired woman behind the bar with the obvious Australian accent.

He shook his head lightly as if he tried in vain to clear his head, to get rid of the images that had haunted him since he left his wife, drenched to her skin and merely dressed in an old worn tee in the middle of their entry hall.

"There isn't enough liqueur in this city to drink this night's events away," Derek said in hollow voice. His eyes glassy and his shoulders slumped; he looked at himself in the mirror behind the bar. He snorted, brought up the glass to his lips once more and gulped down the remains of his drink before he put his cream-colored coat back on.

"I'm done watching," Derek proclaimed in a quiet voice, barely above a whisper. He got up and stepped out the door into the cold, rainy night.

Minutes later Derek walked up the staircase of the brownstone carefully and very slowly as if he feared what may lie at the upper end of the staircase. The wooden stairs squeaked at every step he took. He had never noticed before. He had not noticed a lot of things. As he reached the first floor and turned to the left, he could see into their bedroom. The door was adjacent and from where he stood, he could see the rumpled sheets and the duvet that was tousled from the wind which was blowing quietly through the room via the open window. He took a few steps towards the door and opened it completely with the palm of his right hand. Derek breathed in deeply as the opening of the door enabled him to take a full view of the room that held the remnants of the scene which had happened here earlier in the night.

As he walked slowly towards the bed he could not help but think about his best friend's hands on his wife's legs, stomach and breasts. He sighed deeply and hung his head, shaking it lightly as his right hand reached for the black CBGB's tee shirt that was carelessly tossed to the side of the bed. When he held the fabric in his hands, memories flooded his mind; moments in the life of Derek and Addison. There were many knick knacks scattered around the room and those little relicts of the last thirteen years made it harder for Derek to breathe. He was standing in the middle of their bedroom, holding a tee shirt they had bought over a decade ago and which both of them had been wearing on occasion, mostly post-coital. All around him he found objects that were theirs, not his and hot hers. He was enclosed by the remnants of their family and all at once he was overcome by a sheer desire to run out of the room and into the night, down the streets and up the apartment building he knew so well. He wanted, no, he needed to claim back his wife – his family.

He brought the tee shirt up to his nose and when he breathed in the scent he froze and all of those images he had fought so hard to ban from his mind in the last couple of minutes were back torturing him. Derek started to shake heavily. The shirt fell from his hands onto the wooden floor before he sank to the ground, too. His hand came up to his mouth when he tried to hold back the sobs.

It was not just a slip, not just a night of drunken adulterous sex. When he remembered what he had smelled only a few minutes ago, he knew that this was more than just a physical attraction. Derek had smelled him on their shirt. He had not just been in their house and in their room, Mark had imprinted himself on her scent and Derek feared he would never be able to come so close to her again that he could catch a whiff of her scent without smelling him and their break of his trust and faith.

So he did what seemed to him like the only option in this moment. He stood up, wiped his jeans with the back of his hands and hurried out of the house. He took a deep breath and let his nostrils and lungs fill with the smell of uncertainty that lay in the darkness of the night and therefore in the fresh air of this September night in New York City. He shook his head once more as if he tried to shake the memories he had of Addison and Derek out of his mind before he got in his car and started driving. He did not where he meant to be going or what he was going to do once he was there.

He was cleansing his palate and nostrils. With every breath Derek took and every taste he memorized a part of who he once was – with Addison, was simply replaced by the experiences of his new beginning.


	6. Almost Heroes

**A/N**: Thank you very much for the reviews! This is the last piece that I had already written before I published the series on ffnet . I've got a couple of stories which I have already started and some which I have outlined. But there are about 35 prompts left that you can help me with if you want to. Is there anything that you want to see happen between these two? Just leave me a little note telling me about your idea and I'll work something out. Prompt is: **Hero**

**Almost Heroes**

„Get out of my hospital, "Richard yelled with his eye brows raised in utter resentment and disbelief.

Derek stood, though; he stood his ground. He moved not one muscle, not even one inch. This is where he wanted to be since he was nine years old. The moment he had decided to become a doctor – a hero, was the one moment when Derek lay eyes on his dead father's body at his funeral with his paper white skin and cold, motionless hands and the blue tips of his fingers and lips. There was no other plan or future that he could even imagine to grow up with and to live in.

"_Always remember, boy," is what Joseph Shepherd told his son. He knelt down to look his seven-year old son in the eye. Derek averted his eyes in shame and looked up shyly when he felt his father's hand on his shoulder. Earlier in the day, Derek and his best friend had made fun of the new girl in school who had worn bright green tights and big, horn-rimmed glasses to school. Frog they had called her all morning and had made her run out of the class room with tears streaming down her face in the process. "Be a hero is what is most important in life. You got to live nobly, love fully and treat other people honorably. Being a hero means that you got to step up, forgive and serve others even if what you desire is something completely different to what is needed. You understand, son. I want you. No, I need you to grow up to be a selfless, devoted and giving man."_

_Derek looked at his father with his big piercing blue eyes, wiped away some of the tears that had been brimming in the corners of his eyes. He nodded enthusiastically and promised to be exactly what his father wanted him to be in the future, even though, he really did not know most of the words his father had moments ago spoken out loud. Furthermore he did not have the slightest clue what he was getting himself into; a suicidal mission in a world that was solemnly built on egotistical ideologies. _

"I won't leave, Richard," Derek said sternly as he crossed his arms in front of his chest and stared at his mentor.

What Derek meant, though, was: _I cannot_.

"It's not up for discussion, Dr. Shepherd. Get your stuff and leave my hospital the fastest way possible!"

Richard raised his hand and pointed at Derek and afterwards at the sliding doors in the entrance hall which were just a few feet down on the ground level.

"I am a doctor, Dr. Webber. I am here to help people. I am meant to save lives."

What Derek meant, though, was: _I am meant to be a hero_.

Derek refused to avert his eyes. He stared at the older man. He sat his chaw and took a deep breath as he awaited the wrath which was bound to come over him.

"Then go and save lives somewhere else. But first, get out of my sight!" Richard put a hand to his forehead and twitched the bridge of his nose. Richard then walked away without another glance at the man he had once admired for his skill and nobility.

Derek only stood still. His hands crossed over his chest, he listened to sound of his steady breathing. He simply could not give in because there was no way Derek could fail a second time. He remembered with shaking hands and a certain tightness rising up in his chest – once, he loved and he did so truly and fully. But did he love from a selfless heart? Was he devoted enough? Did he give without asking for something in return? Did he love to get something back, to be loved back?

His father's word kept replaying in his head like an unwelcome audio of how much he had strayed from the idea of the perfect son he had meant to become.

So Derek did what seemed like the only option left. He refused to be fired. Fate had placed a heavy burden on his shoulders. He had failed his wife and he knew that there was nothing in this life that could possibly free him from the guilt he had felt since the day he had signed her out of his life, knowing that there was nor would ever be a pen which was strong enough to ever sign Addison from his heart – his love.

Derek Christopher Shepherd stood his ground on that memorable gray November day.

He needed to remember how to be a hero.


	7. Five Nineteen

**A/N**: Thanks again for reviewing. Here's another piece of writing. Prompt was **Hurricane**.

**Five Nineteen**

„She doesn't love you like I do. " The voice may only be vibrating softly through the clear Seattle night, but the truth that lay within the statement cut like knife through the layers and layers of denial which had been wrapped around the strong shoulders of Derek Christopher Shepherd in a frail attempt to protect him from a realization that had been long overdue.

Derek looked sympathetically at the woman in front of him with her green shimmery eyes, her damp red curls and her delicate but slumped shoulders. Slowly he eased himself down on the cold concrete in the middle of what seemed like an ordinary November day. He crossed his arms in front of his chest, sighed deeply and turned his head to get a better look at the woman who he had been married to for over a decade and who he had known for close to twenty years by now. Her face still looked the same. Her skin was as pale as it had been the day he had stumbled into her and her best friend one lucky day on Columbia campus. Her nose was still prominent but suited her face and its delicate features as well as it had always done. What he had always loved mostly, though, was her mouth. She could easily get him to agree to do everything she wanted with only one of her big radiant, slightly crooked or rather asymmetrical smiles. And those lips of hers had always been the death of him. Kissing her had never failed to feel like coming home. Even in the hardest and the most hurting periods of their marriage had they never not managed to make him feel secure and right where he belonged.

Only when she was not there; when she was too tired to chase him or too fragile to fight, Derek would lose his confidence and faith. Later he would find himself in a box, her box of a past that she seemed unable to move past and unwilling to forget. With Addison Derek feared he was stuck being someone he simply could not be, an idealistic and naïve portrait of a man that neither could nor would ever exist. In the end it got too hard to try and fight a battle that he had claimed too impossible to win, so he had not waged war in the first place.

Derek took her hand and gently kissed her knuckles as she sighed and let the first tears run down her blemished cheeks and fall to the ground beneath them.

"God, I swore to myself that I would never cry for you again," Addison choked out and turned her head to look Derek deeply in the eyes. Her hair was still auburn, but Derek could make out a few lonely streaks of gray if he concentrated hard enough. Her hand shook lightly as she let go of his hand and placed her own on his lower cheek. Tenderly she stroked along his jaw line and placed two of her fingers on his soft red lips.

"Does she kiss you like I do?"

Addison leaned forward and left a lingering kiss on his awaiting lips.

_No, she does not._

"Addie," Derek began, but was soon interrupted by her gentle voice and her soft fingers on the top of his lips stopping him from saying anything at all.

"I know. It's different. Now everything is different." Addison sighed and sat up quickly as she held herself up on her outstretched arms.

"I'm just saying I love you and not in that I-have-a-crush-on-you-and-pretend-to-like-everything-you-do-and-think-you-could-do-no-wrong-kind of way. I love you in a big, life-altering and suicidal kind of way where I know not only the best of you, but more so the very worst of you and I love you nonetheless or furthermore I love you more for every flaw I find in you. You're in a box and that's important, but you will never be gone. Not completely. You are my family still and you will always feel like coming home even when you are married to someone else and will long since have forgotten about me. I made a promise and I have kept it and will do so. I am your wife. The only one you have ever had and you are my husband. The only one I have ever had."

With those last words said into the clear Seattle night, Addison got up and left behind a man that no longer wandered through the soft summer drizzle of Seattle, not through one of those tropical downpours of Venezuela. Derek gasped quietly, swallowing the truth that was drowning him. When Derek realized that he did not only want to be home, he also wanted to come home. There was this moment in his life he would later refer to as THE moment when Derek knew that not only was he missing the girl who he had married on a post-it with a scribbled vow to bind them till the paper may rot, he was also evidently and sorely missing his wife – _the only one he had ever had_.

So when Meredith left Seattle Grace hospital that day unbeknownst to her, her hopes and dreams – her life with Derek, were not simply washed away by a rainstorm, they were caught, drowned and buried in the deep red hurricane that was Addison Forbes Montgomery formerly Shepherd.


	8. The World Spins Madly On

**A/N: **It's been a while. I'm sorry, but uni and soccer are keeping me heaps busy. But I come bearing gifts and happiness to some extent. Thanks a lot for the great feedback on the last chapter as well as Buildings and Bridges. Reviews make me a happy puppy. =)  
I thought this one would turn out sadder, darker and very twisty. After all that was exactly how the last PP episodes felt. The prompt was #33 **World**. I hope you enjoy!

**The World Spins Madly On**

**  
**_Tokyo, 2011_

The wind blew softly through the opened windows of a hotel room in the center of Tokyo. The light yellow curtains danced to the rhythm of the wind while two people lay in each other's arms on a bed, stealing kisses and caressing skin in post coital bliss.

Addison took Derek´s hand in hers, letting their fingers entwine while she traced the outline of his jaw with her other hand.

Neither of them spoke as the sun began to rise on the horizon, the day dawning and marking the beginning of an end. Their end.

*+*+*+*

Optimism: The ability to see the good in all things happening to themselves, to always have faith in the rightness of certain actions and to believe in the unlimited opportunities that lay in change.

_*+*+*+*_

_Addison sat on the couch in the trailer holding a cup of tea (and rum) when Derek entered at 12.30 at night. He sighed when he saw her. Obviously he had hoped to find her already asleep in the small bedroom of theirs. He had hoped to be able to go to bed without having to discuss his lack of appearance at home lately. Or what he had dubbed home._

_Derek went over to the sink and poured himself a glass of water. He turned around and looked at his wife._

_Addison sat on the couch cross-legged, wearing sweat pants and an old Columbia shirt that looked like it had once belonged to him. But Derek was sure that it did not anymore. It probably smelled like Addison, like roses and some spring herbs that he had always failed to identify. He just knew that this special scent was all Addison and it had not always been easy knowing her so well. When hearing a voice in the distance and recognizing it as hers immediately, was no longer a pleasure but furthermore had turned into his greatest fear and strangled him like a curse; or hearing heels clicking on floors away and knowing it was her. Being in an overly crowded elevator, but smelling her out of all the other people and scents that mixed together in the tiny space._

_Derek was like a pair of Birkenstock´s and unconsciously Addison was imprinted on him completely._

_Addison was silent, clutching the cup in her hand even tighter. She did not look up at first._

_Only when Derek moved from his spot next to the sink did Addison speak up. And when she did, Derek stopped walking, frozen by the words that had left Addison mouth moments ago. She had spoken calmly, trying to suppress all the bottled up emotions when she did say, "I´m done."_*+*+*+*

"This needs to stop," Addison said breathily as Derek kissed up her neck, along her jaw line. "Derek," she gasped as Derek hovered only mere inches above her mouth.

"Why?" Derek looked at her mischievously, his hands roaming her toned body and coming to rest on either side of her face.

"Because we're married," Addison whispered and nodded her head as if to strengthen her point.

"So?" Derek asked and smirked. He kissed her softly on the lips, traced the outline of her lips with his tongue and made her moaning rather loudly in the process.

"To other people, Derek," Addison clarified when she had regained composure and distanced herself from him a little bit.

"Ugh." Derek groaned and rolled onto his back, taking the blankets with him and exposing Addison's nude body in the process.

_*+*+*+*_

_"What?" Derek turned around, staring at her incredulously. He took a step towards her, but was stopped by Addison who gestured with her hands that she did not want him to come any closer._

"_You haven't forgiven me?" Addison held tightly onto the cup of tea in her hands and pleaded with her eyes for him not to touch her because she knew that if he touched her she would not stand strong. _

"_Addison," Derek said in a irritated voice before he brought his hands up to his head and let his fingers run through is slowly graying hair._

"_Don't." Addison brought the cup down to the table top and stretched out her right arm in a silencing gesture._

"_Please," she spoke softly as she stood up. "Don't fight me on this."_

_Silently she turned around and walked into the small compartment of the trailer that was supposed to be their bedroom. Addison grabbed a bag full of clothes that she had packed earlier in the day. When she turned around, she came face to face with a confused Derek who was now standing only mere inches from her. She could easily smell his cologne and the scent of his body wash. She sighed deeply and reminded herself to stand strong. She needed to stand strong in front of Derek Matthew Shepherd for once._

"_Where is this coming from?" Derek asked and placed one of his hands on the bag Addison had taken off the ground only a few moments ago._

"_You're not done hurting me back." Addison stated simply and continued when all she got in return was silence._

"_You don't want me to be here," Addison said silently with tears in her eyes that she fought hard to suppress but was failing at._

"_No, that's not true…"_

"_But it is, Derek," Addison interrupted Derek and spoke clearly when he moved further towards her, "I screwed up. I'm sorry, incredibly sorry for hurting you. And if I could I would do anything you asked of me just to be with you."_

_Addison shivered when Derek placed one of his hands on her shoulder, the hand that had before been on top of her bag._

"_How long have you been seeing Meredith?"_

_Derek gasped. _

"_I haven't."_

"_You might not have been with her physically. How long have you been walking Doc together?"_

_Derek sighed and let his hand fall off her shoulders and come to rest on his hip. He shook his head lightly as if he tried to shake away this moment and to go back in time to a place where life did not suffocate him so much._

_"So you´re mad at me for seeing Meredith and want to leave me?" Derek asked visibly as angry and hurt as she was. _

_"Yes. But that´s not all of it," Addison defended herself._

_"Then what´s the rest of it?" Derek moved closer now, fighting the urge to touch her. Derek was sure that she could not stand for him to touch her because all the resolve that she had built up would crumble. But he wanted to grab her shoulders, shake her and make her come to her senses. He did not want her to leave._

"_You don't trust me." She paused and when she spoke up again, finally she did so with strength and vigor, "And I don't trust you. We can't build a marriage on that. We're done."_

_Addison hung her head and stepped past Derek to leave. But Derek grabbed her shoulders and pressed Addison against the thin glass door of the shower before placing his needing lips on her red ones. He let his body crash down on top of hers and tangled his dry hands in her red curls. _

_Addison kissed him back at first, but when she closed her eyes all she could see was Derek and all she could feel was her husband and it hurt her incredibly, so broke the kiss and she pushed off of her with as much strength as she could muster in that moment. She stepped away from him and brushed the palm of her hand against her swollen lips._

"_I love you, Addie. Doesn't that matter?" Derek pleaded with her his hands shaking and his voice thin as paper he stood in the middle of the small trailer._

"_I love you, too." She said and nodded her head, "I always will. Sometimes, though, love isn't enough."_

"_What if I don't want you to leave?" Derek asked._

_She turned the knob and opened the door of the trailer before she turned her head and spoke over her shoulder. _

"_It's not enough."_

_*+*+*+*_

_Los Angeles, six months later_

It was a hot and humid summer day when Addison sat down in the beige-colored sand of the central Californian coast. The wind blew softly over her face, letting her short auburn curls dance in the gleam of the afternoon sunlight. As she turned her head slightly to the right and took in a deep breath, she coughed lightly as a whiff of gray ash accompanied the usually salty oceanic breeze. Along the coast line Addison watched the gray clouds of burnt wood rise up hundreds and hundreds of meters above the ground.

Addison turned her head back to watch out over the sea. The sea was almost undisturbed by any of the on-going turmoil. Even a few sea gulls raced each other high above in the grayish-blue of the sky, with their wings spread widely and a concert of cheering for each other to go faster and crazier patterns along the beaches.

Slowly and carefully as though not to disturb the eerie silence that was unusual for a day so warm and sunny, Addison lowered her back to lie in the soft pearls of sand. She closed her eyes and stretched her arms and legs widely. A grin formed on her face as she remembered and suddenly her legs and arms began to move.

She closed her eyes and only when she felt someone lie down beside her in the warm summer sand did she steer. She turned her head and leisurely opened her eyes to look at the intruder of her late afternoon nap time. She smiled softly at the man in front of her and stretched out her hand to take his in hers and entwine their fingers.

"You came," she said a hint of surprise in her voice and gleaming faith in her eyes.

"I am a man of only one wife," Derek said and placed a soft kiss on her lips.


	9. Say Uncle

**Author's Note: **Thanks for the kind words of review I got. Here's another piece. Rather short, I am sorry for that. There'll be more to come.

**Summary**: Mark reminisces.

**Say Uncle**

As Mark sat there in middle of the room, with his arms crossed in front of his chest, he looked at Derek, the man that he had known and been friends with for over thirty years and he lied.

What Mark told him was not completely untrue. Mark had never thought he would ever be a father until Sloan showed up. There was, though, a fact hiding underneath the nervous smiles and light jokes. He had been thinking about kids for years. He had been dreaming. Mark could tell him, he knew, but he would have had to lie about the why. Even though it has been years, telling him that Mark had not until this day forgotten about the child that never was with the one woman that could tear his friendship with Derek down to its foundations and further.

Loving Addison – a woman so beautiful, brilliant and kind, Mark had realized many years ago was not as much of a choice as it was natural instinctive behavior.

For years Mark had watched her every move, every time she licked her lips unconsciously once Derek entered the room or how she put strands of her silky red hair behind her ears and turned her head to the side to glimpse at her husband and grin at his goofy facial expressions.

Certainly Mar was surprised and amazed by Lexie's ability to remember the many medical journal entries she had come across in the last couple of days. Although, Mark had never told anyone that he remembered every little detail about Addison on her wedding day; the way her white dress blew softly in the Indian summer sun and her red hair was almost glowing, making Addison with her ever porcelain skin appear even more angelic. On some days, particularly bad or lonely days when Mark closed his eyes the one day that he had both been the proudest brother and the most heartbroken man replayed in his mind like a one of those southern legends. Black and white and forever saved on film for the generations to come and to be swept away by a love story so pure and moving it made you believe in a greater power.

Addison had never been simply a choice.

In medical school Mark first understood in how much trouble he actually was. The heart muscle was one of strongest and most of all the only autonomously working muscle in the body. It supplied every vessel, every muscles and every last cell of the human body with the necessary oxygen and therefore enabled life itself. His heart, Mark knew, belonged to Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery, always Shepherd. The average heart was beating 72 times per minute and will beat approximately 2.5 billion times in an average 66 year lifespan.

Mark Sloan was doomed.

And so was Derek Christopher Shepherd. The way he had been loved by Addison was more than pure instinct. It was both Mark and Derek's downfall simply because it was Addison's choice to love, to forgive and believe in Derek. And still was, Mark knew.

They both gave away their hearts carelessly, but completely, that one sunny spring day on Columbia campus without the slightest idea of how gigantic the consequences would turn out to be.

Loving Addison, Mark understood now as involuntary behavior.

So no, Mark understood, he could never be completely honest with the man he had known most of his life and who was slowly becoming his closest friend again. He did not want to remind him, even. Mark saw her first. Mark was afraid of telling Derek because he would realize that Mark had been in love with Addison longer that Derek had. Mark had never been right, but with her Mark had always been honest, at least to yourself.


	10. Oh Father, Thy Lord

**A/N:**Prompt was **#22 Journey**.

Oh Father, Thy Lord, Save My Restless Heart

Addison Montgomery was not religious. Even though she had been brought up in an Irish-catholic household and had been sent to a catholic all-girls school. The concept of someone predestining her path made Addison uncomfortable. She liked being in control of her life and making the decision, no matter what the outcome may be, on her own.

No, Addison was not religious and it was not about the rings. At all. If it were, she would be out of luck for all of eternity. Hers lay on the ground of Pudget Sound, being washed to the sea, memory by memory of a better time.

Every third marriage these days ends in divorce. Most women knew that before they blindly stumbled into holy togetherness, numbed by all consuming love and well-intentioned promises of never letting go.

Addison was neither blind nor deaf, neither unworldly nor delirious. She was a woman that stood by her word. On a lovely day in June 1994, she, Addison Forbes Montgomery, vowed to honour, cherish and praise Derek Matthew Shepherd till death does part them.

She had not died yet; not physically, at least.

A love like the one she had found with Derek imprints itself on a soul.

When will enough be enough? When will she be able to walk away with no forgiveness in her heart? The answer is never. As long as she was imprisoned in her humanly form, she will not be able to quit. Till deaths do part them.

Too deep are the marks. Too many scars are spread out on her soul. A curse so strong, it never vanishes, but crawls in the depths of body, mind and soul.

When Derek took her face in his hands, kissed her softly on the mouth and whispered in her ear that he loved her, one day before he married another woman. The other woman. Addison knew then she had a long and winding road ahead of her.

So she fastened the seat belt a little bit tighter.

_Sometimes in our lives  
We get to where we wonder if  
The long road that we're on  
Is heading in the same direction  
When it comes to you and me  
We're right where I know we should be_

Derek Shepherd was not religious. Though, there were times in his life when faith in a superior power and a hidden, well-intentioned plan behind all injustice, seemed like the solutions to the questions of his restless mind.

Derek was happy with his life and content with the turn it had taken. Certainly, there were details of his history he would rather not have lived through. But then, they had all helped creating the man who was now standing in a black tux in front of a priest, next to him is wife to be. For the second time in his life he vowed to honour, cherish and praise the woman in the lovely white dress that was holding on to his hand. He looked at her beautiful face and the smile she was giving him, full of trust and confidence. He loved Meredith and he wanted to be with her for the rest of his life, but when he took Addison's face in his hands the day before, kissed her red lips softly and told her he loved her with a sincerity he had not felt very often in his life, he knew one thing for sure.

Derek Shepherd was a man of only one wife.

It was going to be a long and winding road, so he fastened his seat belt a little tighter.


	11. The Part Where The End Starts

The rain fell angrily against the cab window that shielded her from the cold, wet November afternoon. Slowly she sunk back against the cushioned black seat and holed herself tightly up in her beige woolen coat. She shivered as the sound of a nearing ambulance jolted her out of her thoughts. After all these years of medical emergencies and death she still hated the sound of an ambulance passing by. The brutality of indecision terrorized her.

Softly she asked the cab driver if he could increase the volume of the radio. The older man turned his head of curly brown hair to give Addison his full attention, gave her one of those radiant, mischievous smiles that enabled the oldest and wisest men to appear like young boys.

"'Course, ma'am!" He blinked at her and turned up the volume. "Nice song. Especially on such an ugly day."

An ugly day. Yes, Addison thought as she let her breath fog up the window. Slowly she brought her right hand up and carved the letters of her name onto the misty glass.

"_One of these days Derek," Nancy said in a incredibly agitated voice, "Addison is going to be done. Good God, Derek, no one knows why she's still with you."_

"_Nancy!" Derek warned and closed the chart he was working on forcefully before he turned around to look at his younger sister sternly. He was certainly not discussing his relationship issues in the middle of a hospital floor with someone who was not his wife. But then Derek was not discussing his relationship problems with anyone, especially his wife, and that was why Nancy was screaming at him in the first place._

"_Don't Nancy me, Derek! You better grow some balls and make this right before…"_

_This time a hand stopped her from continuing. She felt the soft hands make contact with the fabric of her scrub top before she heard Addison's quiet voice, "Nancy, please."_

_Addison's red eyes begged her for mercy. It was a silent request not to enter or trespass unknown territory._

"_Please let it go," Addison added in a hushed voice without making eye contact with her husband who was standing only mere inches from her._

_Nancy nodded quietly while the unique scent of Addison left only a trace of her former presence._

_When she heard footsteps on linoleum she turned around hastily._

"_One of these days, Derek, she is going to pack her bags and walk away!"_

_Derek squared his shoulders as he quickly halted in his tracks. He took a deep breath, looked up at the tiled ceiling and began to walk again._

"_And no one will blame her."_

_Nancy whispered to herself as she pinched the bridge of her nose to lessen the upcoming headache. _

_Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery._

She hesitated. Her index finger was a couple of inches above the cool glass, unmoving. Addison's heart raced in her chest at the implication, the shear possibility of betrayal.

Quickly she glanced at the golden band she had been wearing for almost eleven years. It seemed like a heavy weight upon her delicate fingers which were starting shake visibly.

"I, Addison, take you, Derek…", Addison breathed softly against the imprints of her name on the foggy cab window.

… _to be my lawfully wedded husband, my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live._

Addison brought her index and middle finger to her long, tender neck in search of her pulse. Rhythmically her heart was pumping blood through her body. Scientifically speaking Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery Shepherd was still alive. But when she refused to linger one more moment above the semi-finished painting of a woman that once was Addison realized that she was no longer a wife. Furthermore she was now a criminal who had sinned against love, God's law.

Hastily she asked the cab driver to stop. She paid him and exited the cab quickly to stumble into the darkening day. Addison walked vehemently towards the brownstone she had once bought with Derek. Now that she had given in to the uprising desire to pack up and run, she felt like she could not even walk fast enough to get where she needed to be, wherever that may be.

And then she stopped.

"Addison," Derek said while walking towards her. Addison did not move. She could do this, she told herself. She needed to do this so she could breathe, so she could feel.

"Addie!" His voice was barely above her whisper. He lifted her chin with one hand and put a strand of auburn her behind her ear with the other.

Addison held on tightly to the idea of walking away as least scarred as possible until he engulfed her in hug and pressed out all of the air she taken in; with it nothing less but the determination and strength she clung to.

"I am sorry. I am so sorry, Addie!" Derek cried into the soft fabric of her scarf.

Addison nodded, hesitantly but genuinely. Slowly she brought her right hand to the back of his head. She caressed the delicate skin of his neck.

_In joy as well as in sorrow._

"I am so sorry, Addison, please forgive me."

Derek pressed his forehead tightly against hers and put one hand on either side of her face. He closed his eyes and felt her breath on his cold skin.

When he opened his eyes, they were bursting the heavy silence like a knife.

"Addie," Derek's voice was full of fear, regret and curiosity. Was it really too late? Had he been running away from her for too long?

Her heart broke when she hugged him tightly to her chest. She screamed inaudibly when she told him she had already forgiven him and when they walked towards their house and passed the name tag she no longer knew if she belonged.


	12. Hospital Food

**A/N: **I have been absent for a while but I have never intended to abandon this series. So here we go on another journey to the depths of my mind and imagination. It's probably one of the happiest stories I have ever written, no fluff though, mind you. Take this chance and bath in a little warmth, there is something very dark and angst filled coming soon. If you take the time to read, pleas spend some minutes leaving me a review. Much thanks in advance!

Title of the Stories is also the title of a song by David Gray.

**Hospital Food**

It was raining outside. The fog which had covered Seattle in a blanket of white was slowly disappearing only to open up an endless gray sky. It was 10.42 am that meant it had been more or less than two minutes since Derek had last looked up the time on his cell phone.

Derek Shepherd hated being in a hospital, as patient that was. He loved being able to operate, to have power and knowledge to save lives. If he was not certain that he would be recovering, albeit slowly, and going back to work, Derek would have given the mirror in his bathroom more attention than absolutely necessary.

Also, no one was calling him anymore. It had been nine longs days since he had been shot. People had returned to their daily routine of cutting and sewing, knowing that he was healing and well cared for. Unbeknownst to them, or maybe well ignored by a lack of both patience and time, Derek was dying. He was slowly and painfully dying of boredom.

Derek picked up his cell phone once more. It said 10.43 am. He sighed and looked through his contacts to pick the unlucky person who was going to be forced to entertain him. After all, he had almost died. Normally he would not have played the cards of guilt and empathy but being forced to lie down and rest were things Derek hated. Well some might rightfully say that Derek hated doing things he was had ordered to do by other.

He could have called his mother but decided against it. All this nagging about starting a family and bringing an heir of the name of Shepherd into the world would have made him wish he had never dialed that familiar number in the first place. After all he was well aware of the rock and the hard surface. They were both, equally intensely, pressing down on his happiness. Now those thoughts were something Derek could not allow to play first fiddle in his mind.

He started with the letter A. Derek almost pressed the call button, decided against it in a brief whiff of insecurity and scrolled further down his list of contacts. He could call her, Derek thought, though. It was not as if she was all too busy, he justified his idea. After all she worked in a private practice nowadays. How busy could it be? Going by the stories he heard from Mark, he figured that someone who could take several coffee breaks a day, could also find the time to help out a friend in need. After everything that happened they were still friends, he liked to believe, and it was not like Derek needed to ask her for a big favor. He just needed to claim a little bit of her time and attention. So Derek pressed call.

It did not take long for her to pick up. On the second ring, Derek noticed in astonishment, a familiar voiced greeted him.

"Hello," Addison said in a calm and friendly voice.

Derek was glad that he had called his ex-wife. She was great with people, even those she could not stand and honestly, Derek was not sure whether she still liked him or not. It did not matter, though; she would listen anyway, give advice or offer sympathy. But Derek did not want to talk himself, at least not more than was necessary. What he did want was to hear something from her. Anything was fine with him as long as it was neither about Mark nor Meredith. Or someone she dated, he added to that thought.

"It's me, Derek."

"I know," Addison responded and fell silent for a few moments. Derek heard her rummaging through what he assumed was her office. He heard a door close. Addison had never liked an audience, especially one listening in on matters of the heart. Being married for eleven years certainly belonged in that category. "Caller ID," she added.

They were both silent. After all she had already called him twice since he had been shot asking about his health and neither of them really thought that making meaningless small talk was something they wanted for what was left of their relationship.

"Can you tell me something?" Derek began in an eager voice, one that was born by sheer boredom and the prospect of relief. "Something I don't already know."

Addison started laughing at his question. Derek had missed that; her love, her happiness and her naïve optimism. He used to love kissing her smile, almost as if he could soak up some of that joyous feeling with simply touching his lips to hers. He had banned those thoughts from his mind. After all he was married to Meredith now, albeit only on a post-it with scribbled vows to bind them till the paper rots.

"Callie has told me about your impatience. But then you've never dealt well with being sick."

Derek only groaned in response and dared her to continue by being quiet; a silent revolution.

"Did I ever tell you about the one time in Martha's Vineyard when I fell off my bike?" Addison asked curiously.

"No. When was that?"

They had been married for eleven years and she had never told him about it. But Derek knew that Addison hated admitting defeat. At least that was what he had told himself during every fight they had ever had and had planted a peace offering in the form of a kiss on her lips instead. That had been a long time ago, Derek admonished himself. He sighed deeply.

"I was seven at the time. The tire of my bike came off and I flew over the handlebars. I scraped my whole face." Addison paused. She was lost in thought, reminiscing over a memory she valued. "Archer leaned down to me and told me that it was going to be okay. I cried against his shoulder. He picked me up and carried me half a mile home. He was only eleven at the time but he picked me up and he carried me home."

There was silence for a few moments on both ends; one which was not created by a lack of creativity or words. They were content and understanding; mostly happy, though, and grateful.

"Thank you," Derek said sincerely.

"What for," Addison asked curiously.

"Thank you for being the friend who carries me home when I fall."

And he was; God, he was so grateful that it nearly burst his chest and he had no idea how to put these feelings in the open in an appropriate way, Derek realized. And then she said, calmly and caringly, "Always."

Derek smiled for the first time in the last nine days. Overwhelmed by the feeling of support and friendship he thanked her again, for everything she had ever done for him and despite everything he had ever done to her.

They may not have a valid marriage certificate anymore, declaring them husband and wife, to hold and to cherish in sickness and in health. But they had promised each other unconditional friendship long before they had signed their names on a piece of paper to be authorized by the state.

They were still friends, he knew now without a doubt in his mind and it filled him with happiness.

The end.


	13. Not Even Close

**A/N**: Another piece, hoping that someone reads and enjoys it. I seem to be in a writing mood lately. Reviews help, though, not to lose faith in my own abilities. Maybe I just suck, I don't know.

Title is also the name of a song by Katie Herzig.

Not Even Close

"Would you do it again?" Her words seemed loud, almost obnoxious, cutting through the silence of the night with a silver sword. Maybe it was not her words, Derek thought; maybe it was the meaning that lay way beneath the surface of what was acceptable and bearable.

_Would you do it all again, suffering through the pain of ending a marriage by adultery and running to the other side of the country to live in the woods, far away from the possibility of deception? Would you walk that path, albeit full of heartache and mistrust, just to meet me, to love me? _

Were there words worthy enough, meaningful enough, descriptive enough to portray how Derek felt about the turn his life had taken? No. Did it matter? No. At least not enough to shake the ground their relationship was standing on, merely hanging on a threat, as it was after the failed adoption. So Derek spoke into the quietness of the night, hiding his secrets in its dark blanket of indifference.

"Yes."

But Derek lay awake that night, listening to his wife's shallow breathing. Unbeknownst to her, Derek was drowning in a sea of possibilities.

His honest reply would have sounded differently. Also just one word with a single syllable but the power to tear down his carefully crafted house of avoidance.

_No._

The end.


End file.
